Thus Far

I had the most incredible day yesterday.
I don't even know what was so incredible about it, I just know it is one of the most enjoyable days I've had in a long time. Like it was right somehow, like I was right where I needed to be at the moment I was suppose to be there.

Today I spoke in Junior High about the Peace of God. I talked about the world's definition of peace, how peace is the absence of war or struggle. But God's Peace is not the absence of something, it is the Presence of Him. This reminded me about the current question, or rather petition that I have laid out before God, and the struggle I have gone through in actually having the patience to hear God out on the matter. And it came to me. Peace. Not Peace because I have the answer, Peace because I know God is taking care of it. And not only that, He is going to perform a miracle in my life through the process of patience and peace.

Not much to write.

Today is my 25th birthday. Happy Birthday Self.

It seems...

It seems I always think of awesome things to write and then when I get to the computer, I can't remember anything I was thinking about.
For instance, I was going to write and tell the end of the episode with the kid who cut himself today, but I find in the end that I am too emotionally exhausted right now to talk about it.
Then I was going to write about how I am ready to just be a wife and a mom and have the coolest kids ever. But that seems a little ridiculous considering my 25 birthday is 10 days away, and I don't really want to completely go there on a blog, let alone in person.
I could talk about Church and how amazing the Body of Christ is...but that would take a while.

It seems I really have nothing to say worth writing.

thoughts...

Hard day so far. I feel like bursting into tears, but am so drained that I just can't cry. I literally was removing sharp objects and trying to talk down a kid from suicide as he's stabbing himself over and over with a broken c.d. case. That's when I had a thought. What if I put my hand in between the object and him, would he stop? So on impulse I did, he screamed and came down with the shard just centimeters from my hand. At this point his wrist/arm was dripping blood. Then he wept so hard for the next hour saying over and over how worthless he was and how he wanted to die.
So I just stayed and tried to be the peace. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. He finally calmed down.

But the problem is not solved. And I'm sort of at a loss of what to do next.


Speaking of loss. My mom woke me up at 8am on Wednesday. We went to Tillamook to see my sister. There are 11 people living in a house. 5 mentally ill adults, 1 lazy man and 5 children. Not including numerous dogs and pets.
I want to scream. I want to scream at Sin. I want to scream at poverty and our broken world. But that's not the answer.
The answer is Love. Love hurts sometimes though. I mean, the longsuffering part. Maybe that's why Paul lists that first. All those revelations in 1 Corinthians about Love are hard things. At least I think so.

I feel like I've come to a season where I've lost everything. Friends, Family, Myself, Music, Laughter, and the only thing left is the thing that matters most. Jesus. Beautiful.

The hardest times.

I've decided to make "In Her Footsteps" a book. It is the absolute true story of my Great Grandfather, William Duncan and my Great Grandmother, Orpha Almeda Smith (what a name!) I don't even know if it will go anywhere, but I feel I owe it to them to write their story. Since I began the crazy journey of connecting the history of my families genealogy records, their story more than any other has inspired me and taught me what it means to love Christ through the hardest times.

Speaking of hard times...my family is really going through it. My Great Uncle just passed in April, and his family not being able to afford his property, has to sell it. This is the property in Port Orchard that has hosted our major family get together every year since 1970. So, this July 4th will be the last Independence Day we get to spend there. But that's not all, my aunt & uncle who bought my Grandparents house just lost it. So the place I was born & raised at, and have known for these long 24 years 11 months and 21 days, is lost to us too.
I know God has a plan through this all. Maybe it's time to make room for new traditions. New family memories. New adventures. This seems to be a time of moving and shaking.

In Her Footsteps

He was a Sunday school teacher. Tall, chiseled body, well defined jaw, eyes that blazed with passion and just a hint of humor every time he spoke...

She would sit in his class week after week, not concentrating on the lesson, but studying him instead. Oh he was beautiful to her. Probably the most beautiful man she had ever seen, but she could never quite voice this to anyone because of the age difference. No, seven years was not impossible, it would not even be looked down upon, for 1906 was a very progressive time to be alive in. But she thought herself unequal to him in knowledge and in experience. Plus she was sure he would never return the affection, he probably looked at her like his own sister. After all, William Duncan had moved into town about a year ago, and finding a room for rent sign posted in the window of her fathers house, immediately moved in. She hated it at first, but after awhile, found that having another mans presence in the house besides her fathers was actually beneficial.

He wasn't like most men she knew. He worked for an accounting firm as a junior partner, immediately taking on all client accounts to reform the processes in which the firm already moved in, something so time consuming, only an honest or insane man would do. He would come home and study long hours into the night and early morning, not subjects in his field, but the Word of God. His passion was for the church and seeing young people infused with the Hope that he possessed. His job, was merely the vehicle into which he moved in the community. He was well respected by the men and adored by the women. And...as her thoughts broke, she realized that he was calling her name.

"Orpha, are you paying attention? Can you please read 1 Corinthians 13 for the class?".

uhh, she silently groaned. How did she rope herself into being his assistant too? True, she could tell right away that he didn't have a natural tendency towards administration, and she did, but sometimes she felt like the responsibility was too much to handle.

"Love suffers long" she started,
"and is kind" she paused,
"Love does not envy, Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails..." she trailed off...looking up, she realized all eyes were on her, was she crying? Setting down her Bible, she quickly excused herself and started towards the door, he called her name, but she did not slow down.
Picking up her pace, she exited the tiny white church and bolted for home. Five minutes later, she was there, opening the door, running up the stairs, through the long hallway, into her room, where she flung herself helplessly on her bed and began to weep very deeply.
How long had she loved him? And why hadn't she known before this day?
What was she to do?

Status, Sailor Moon & Sea Stories

3 random connections my mind made in the last 3 seconds:

1.There is a Sailor Moon tonight. (It's when an almost full moon has rings around it, it is suppose to herald in certain types of weather)

2. Because there is a Sailor Moon tonight, it makes me want to tell a "Sea Story", which is something my Dad use to say to my sister and me. Sea Stories always have to start off with "It was a dark and stormy night..." I'll definitely tell my children sea stories.

3. Sea Stories make me think of another phrase my Dad and therefore my sister and I use to say to each other which is "What's your status?". The answer always having to be something really weird and random. Example: Q: What's your status? A: Broccoli
I forget how this got started...but we all still laugh about it, I guess that is just part of being a Mulford.

4. Another thought...all my connections begin with the letter 'S'.

This blog brought to you by: Lacey's Brain.

Hungry

I'm learning what it means to be hungry. Really hungry.
Today is day 15 with no food. I decided to do a juice fast for the Church fast, I started a week earlier then everyone else. Last night at youth was the first time I felt hunger...real hunger, hunger that drives you and won't let you alone, hunger that is physically painful for one to bear, hunger that reminds you that others may, but you may not.
I thought it somewhat ironic I should feel hungry on this night more than any. Pastor Matt Bushard was speaking on hunger. What you hunger for...the world? or God? It made me realize there are depths and heights with God that I never knew existed. That what my body was saying...no screaming at me was FEED ME YOU IDIOT! Yet my Spirit was saying, RULE YOUR FLESH, DON'T GIVE IN.

I'm also learning what it means to be Full. Really Full.
I'm in the Word, Worship, and Prayer. I feel the need to study and seek. I all of a sudden have an urge to start reading Christian Literature (a big turn off to me previously). To teach what I'm learning and impart what I'm being filled with.
Fullness without food.

I've felt really convicted lately about not writing. Like I'm cheating my calling. Maybe its because Daniel Daul (thanks by the way) talked to me about not writing, or maybe its because this fast is quickly pointing out my weaknesses to me. Maybe a little bit of both. Anyway, to the writing desk it is!

There is more to come.